I rip your chest off now

When we were younger Eric, Brent, and I would fill our summers with random challenges and games that we came up with. We’d often build stuff and go on adventures. When Eric got a little older he started going on my dad’s annual deer hunt with him. This left Brent and me to our own devices. Brent had just gotten a new remote control race car, and we decided it would be a good idea to use our sidewalk chalk (a staple of any cheap summertime fun) to draw a racetrack in the street. We lived in a housing development, so the roads were very un-busy and the drivers knew to keep their eyes peeled for children

We created a well thought out track that involved too many twists and turns for Brent to actually get his race car up to full speed. Nonetheless, he was enjoying himself. And I was having fun watching him try to stay in the lines of the thin lanes that we had etched out moments before.

In an act of spite, our next door neighbors who we regularly beat in water wars (the battles that took place between the two groups were far more intense that your run of the mill water fight) decided to take it upon themselves to destroy our creation and our fun. To be fair, the main instigator was actually a boy that was over at their house. But also to be fair, they provided him with the buckets of water and then joined in.

I was annoyed with what they were doing and attempted to scatter them like a wolf would its prey. Brent would then be able to pick them off one by one. I chased them in circles through our two yards. This is when the friend boy – we’ll call him Jeffrey – decided that he wanted to ruin Brent’s new toy. Something snapped. Nobody messes with Brent’s toys! My eyes grew wide and red with anger and I charged Jeffrey as he carried his 2^nd bucket of water intended for the race car (the 1^st one missed because he lacked the basic skills required to meet weapon to target). I did not lack the same skills that Jeffrey did. I approached him like a heat seeking missile, gaining speed the entire time.

When I hit Jeffrey, it was like a scene from a Discovery Channel documentary. Imagine a great white shark launching her prey into the air, but only injuring him, so that she could return later and finish him off.

I put both my arms out and struck Jeffrey with all the power behind a full speed sprint. Too bad for Jeffrey we had reached the end of the yard and were now in street territory. It was also unfortunate for him that he decided not to wear a shirt in the warm summer weather. He flew through the air and then proceeded to slide across the street on his bare chest.

The force behind my mighty shove left me in the street on my knees, which were slightly bloodied. Seconds after the incident unfolded, Jeffrey was sprinting to my neighbors’ backyard where the parents were. His entire chest was a mess. I’m sure you all have scraped a knee at some point in your life. Imagine if that scrape was deeper and if instead of it being on your knee it was on your chest.

I sat in the street with a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

Brent: Are you ok?

Me: Yeah. I don’t want to get in trouble.

Brent: He deserved it. And he’s not going to say anything. You’re a girl.

Me: Okay.

Brent: That was so funny! His was flying through the air parallel to the ground and his feet were still running midair.

Both of us: Hahaha

It’s a good thing that Jeffrey was a boy. If he was a girl, I would be concerned about his ability to nurse his future offspring. But since he’s a boy, he will just have some scars that he can make up some crazy story in an attempt to impress girls. So, it’s really a win win situation.