Alarm Clock = Kleenex Dispenser

I’m not a morning person; I never have been. In fact, I’m so not a morning person that given the opportunity I turn morning into my bedtime. I remember over one winter break while in college, I would be getting ready to turn in for the night (day) as my dad was getting ready to head off for work. It worked out well in that he got to see my bright and shining face (more of a groggy sleep deprived grimace) before heading off to work, and I got to see a living breathing human in my vampire-like existence.

My junior year of college I created a routine that allowed me to be slightly more functional than a newborn mole person:

1. Wake up just in time for class. If I was lucky this allowed a small window for showering.
2. Race out of my apartment to catch the morning shuttle to campus
3. Go to class
4. Walk home
5. Take my much needed nap (I love naps, but I’ve decided it’s more addicting than meth and now try to fight off the need to sleep during the day like the plague…because apparently I’m under attack from the plague)
6. Do homework until my stress level reaches it’s peak
7. Go for the mandatory night run (I felt invincible in college and didn’t think anything bad could come of an 18-22 year old girl running alone in the night, with an iPod to block out any warning signs of an impending attack – that is until the night when an impending attack became clear…but that is a story for another day)
8. Shower
9. Continue doing homework until Forensic Files (I believe this was about 3 am)
10. Watch Forensic Files until I scared myself into believing a serial killer was outside of my living room window. I would then have to build up the nerve to approach the window to shut the blinds. Because clearly if the blinds were closed Mr. Serial Killer would no longer be able to get to me. Or maybe Mr. Serial Killer is like a tyrannosaurus and would no longer be able to sense my presence if he couldn’t see me.
11. Bother my roommate, Amrita, to no end. My favorite was sitting on her back while she tried to read like a good college student and/or poking her face until she sent me away from her room. And once I was banished from human contact (and my feeble attempts at scratching my way through her door failed), I’d slink away.
12. Decide that I should go to bed so I could be a functioning member of society the next day
13. Sleep for 4-5 hours
14. Repeat

This routine didn’t allow for the most balanced lifestyle.

One winter morning I woke up after a series of alarm clock snoozes (another bad habit that’s up there with meth addiction), and noticed an alarming number of Kleenex sheets in my bed. Honestly one would be strange since I’m not in the habit of storing either new or used Kleenex under my pillows, but it looked as if I was in the eye of a Kleenex storm.

I decided that rather than delving too deep into an analysis of what occurred the night before I should just throw them away and get to class (again, I left very little time to prepare in the mornings).

The next morning, the same thing happened – more Kleenex and no explanation. I told myself that I probably had just forgotten to throw the mysterious Kleenex away the previous night…and I was not going crazy! This feeble attempt at self-preservation was a temporary band-aid.

A few days passed, so the strange tissue paper phenomenon slipped my mind. But, behold! I woke up to a new event! It was extremely rare for me to turn my laptop off at night, but when I awoke my laptop was not only off but it was closed. Clearly I was having night terrors that were spilling over into my day. Night Cristy was sabotaging Day Cristy’s life. Or, there was a simpler explanation that I was just unable to grasp in the sleep deprived state of my blurred morning rush.

Everything fell into place one momentous morning. My alarm clock was going off repeatedly, and I was snoozing it repeatedly. Something was different about this morning though. I was actually self aware at this early hour. So when I realized I was in fact in my room, standing, and the alarm clock was going off, and I was doing something – making some attempt to silence the noise, but the noise was continuing…I opened my eyes and began to take in my environment.

I was standing in the middle of my bedroom with a fist full of Kleenex and Kleenex was strewn about my feet and bed. Again, my computer was turned off and closed. I was so desperate to turn off my alarm clock, so in need of that extra 5 minutes of sleep that I blindly pushed buttons and gathered anything in my path. That’s a natural reaction to an alarm right? Collecting soft facial tissue to comfort my exhausted and confused body. I think so.