This sounds very profound. But I assure you, it’s not. It’s a story about toilet paper.
I was flying back to Seattle for the first time in about 5 years. Not only did I get to see my parents, but I got to see Roger Waters for the 3rd time! I was super excited and nothing could damper my mood. That is nothing short of a series of interactions that made me doubt my very existence.
I was on a layover and decided to take this opportunity to run to the restroom.
Why is it called a restroom? I don’t rest in there. I pee in there. I understand bathroom – when there’s a bathtub in the room. But, there wasn’t a bathtub in the airport, so I’m forced to call it a restroom. I think we should rethink the use of this word.
Anyway, I went into a stall to “rest.” I almost always check for toilet paper. Guys – it’s important that a girl does this, because the omission of the “check for toilet paper” step can result in being stranded in a restroom stall for an undetermined amount of time…or spending the rest of the day in pee pants.
I omitted this step. There was no toilet paper.
Luckily, there was a woman in the stall next to me!
Me: There’s no toilet paper in here. Can you pass some over?
Lady: …
Me: Toilet paper?
Lady: …
Me: I know you can hear me!
Lady: Flushes toilet and walks out
It was a good thing that I had Kleenex in my purse. Once I flushed the toilet I walked out and headed to the sink. I was still trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. There were so many questions: She could hear me right? I could hear her. She had to have heard me. Did I offend her? There’s no way I could have offended her. I just asked her for toilet paper. What kind of person refuses toilet paper to another human being?
Another lady walked in the restroom and straight to my stall. I’d just like to point out how weird this is in an empty restroom. In my mind it’s almost as off-putting for a woman to walk to a stall with a swinging door and flushing toilet (when other options are available) as a man choosing to use a urinal right next to another man. I don’t like when a woman chooses to use the stall next to me in an empty restroom so the urinal scenario seams absolutely intrusive.
I didn’t want to see this woman go through the same turmoil I just had gone through. So I tried to warn her.
Me: There’s no toilet paper in that stall.
Lady 2: Walks into stall
Me: There’s no toilet paper in that stall!
Lady 2: Closes door
Me: Can anybody hear me? In a slightly sad voice
Me: No? Ok.
At this point I felt invisible. It’s such a uniquely weird experience to be in a room with other people that refuse to recognize your existence. I was almost expecting to walk out of the bathroom and have somebody run right into me, and then continue walking wondering why his stride was broken because clearly nothing was in his path. This did not happen. But I did slink away to my gate to wait for my plane. Two days later I was watching Roger Waters perform The Wall and was as happy as the happiest of clams. See what I did there, I made the end happy. I like to end stories on a high note
I like to rest in my bed. Take that however you want...
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