CC&TheBear: The year of the mullet

I cut my own hair. It was bad. Really bad.

I believe I had just started 1^st grade. I don’t remember if it was right before the school year had started or right after, but I think part of the motivation for the haircut was a girl in my class so I’m going to say the year had just started.

I sat next to this cute little girl with long flowing blonde hair. I loved her hair. I wanted my hair to be like her hair. Naturally, the only option to achieve her long healthy hair appearance was to cut my own hair.

I knew that this was a bad thing to do. I knew that my mom would not approve. But who was she to dictate the style of a free-minded 5 year old such as myself?

I had to come up with a plan to hide what I was doing. In my mind my parents and brothers were all keeping a very close eye on me. They knew I was about to destroy my appearance and would do everything in their power to stop me. They’d expect me to be in my room. I had to mangle the appearance of my tresses in a super secret location that no one would suspect – under the table in the entry way of my two story Utah home.

I gathered up the needed supplies. One pair of scissors, check. A toy microwave and toy food, check. “No mom, I’m not cutting my hair. Clearly I’m just fake microwaving this fake food.”

The next few minutes are all a haze. I cut ALL the hair I could SEE. Yes that’s correct, I gave myself a mullet. And I was damn proud of it. I wish I could remember emerging from the table and first encountering my parents. But that must have been one of those moments that was so mortifying and shocking (although I don’t know why because I felt no shame) that I’ve blocked it from my memory.

My mom did everything she could to salvage the situation. But, little could be done. I spent the next year as the little girl with the mullet. So, I sat proudly with my full head of mullet hair, next to the cute little girl with long flowing blonde hair. We did not become friends.

You’d think that things couldn’t get much worse for a young girl at an important development stage – learning to form human relationships. But, you would be wrong. Halloween came around shortly after and I decided to dress up as a fairy princess. Of course I did my own make-up. If I can cut my own hair, I can do my own make-up.